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Everybody Hates Chris
"Everybody Hates Math"
CLOSED CAPTIONED

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CHRIS ROCK:
When I was in school,

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students usually got
recognition

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for one of two things:
being really good...

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This year's Valedictorian
is Stephanie Borelli.

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...and being really bad.

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I'm sorry to have
to tell you this,

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but your son is an idiot.

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I was usually somewhere
in the middle.

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Until it came to algebra.

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Chris, are you
paying attention?

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Can't you see I'm trying
to sleep?

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Yes.

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It's a simple
two-step equation.

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Minus nine X, plus one,
equals minus 80.

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What is x?

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89?

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Eighty-no.

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Monkey toe.
Greg?

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X equals positive nine.
Correct.

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Why didn't you just ask him
in the first place?

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* And the long hall
and the gray walls... *

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Chris?

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I need to talk to you.
Yes?

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You realize this week
is our pizza competition.
I know.

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Every year, the math
classes at Corleone

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competed for a pizza day.

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Next to the last day of school,

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it was everybody's
favorite day.

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At my old school, if you got
a high score in math,

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all you got was this...

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An "A" in math?

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I bet that "A" won't keep
me from kicking your ass.

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Now, Chris, my request for
the school to provide you

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with an alternate victory meal
of ribs and pigs' knuckles

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was denied, but I know

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as well as you do that you
loves you some pizza, right?

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Uh... right.

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Well, I'd like
our class win, but...

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if you don't get your average
up, that's not going to happen.

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But I'm trying.
I just don't get algebra.

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Maybe you could tutor
me after school.

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I'm sorry, Chris.
I don't have time.

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Have you called
the United Negro College Fund?

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Maybe they can help.

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History would later
prove her wrong.

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All I'm trying to say is:

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if you don't get algebra,
we don't get pizza.

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And I'm gonna get sliced.

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Captioning sponsored by CBS
PARAMOUNT NETWORK TELEVISION

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You've got to come
through for us, dude.

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Remember last year how
we could smell the pizza

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coming down the
hall and then...

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passing us by
and leaving us

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like the last helicopter
out of Saigon?

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Greg had watched First Blood
on TV the night before.

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I don't want to go
through that again.

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So, what? You're
going to help me?

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I'd like to, but I'm already
tutoring six other dumb kids.

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Plus, my aunt's
over this week.

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She's got something
planned with the family

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every night this week.

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Tonight we're driving
over the Verrazano Bridge.

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Maybe someone
else can help you.

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Nobody here is
going to help me.

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You gotta do something.

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I want that pizza.

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Greg, you eat
pizza every day.

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Yeah, but this is free.
Hey, Major Harris...

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if you mess up our
pizza day,

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I'm gonna smack the crust
out of you.

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Since it wasn't the first time
I'd had problems with algebra,

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I figured the best thing
to do was to get help.

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Hey, baby. I thought you
had to work today.

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I asked Doc for the day off.

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Why
algebra.

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We have this pizza day coming up
and we can't win

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unless I bring up
my test score.

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Is that how they get you to pass
your classes these days,

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is by giving you pizza?

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I guess if they gave you steak,
you'd be headed to class.

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And if they gave you chicken,
you'd open up the Apollo.

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So you think I could get
an algebra tutor?

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An algebra tutor

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Now, there are six units and 12
tenants in this building.

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If "X" equals the number of
units with televisions,

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and "Y" equals the people who
are at work right now,

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how many TVs can we steal?

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Hmm?

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You know, your grandmother
was a great algebra teacher.

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Oh, that's right.
I forgot about that.

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So you think she can
work with me?

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You could work with me--
I know algebra

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like the back of my hand.

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Which will probably end up
upside my head.

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So you're going to tutor me?

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You want that pizza, don't you?

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Yeah.

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Besides, I don't want my mother

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thinking my kids are dumb.

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Your kids?
What about her kid?

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Because of the crack trade,
it was a lot harder

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for Risky to make money
on the streets.

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He couldn't make money
on electronics.

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This is a brand
new VCR-- $30.

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I'll sell you 30 for $1.

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He couldn't make money
on clothes.

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This is nice.

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It's real leather, $50.

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I'll sell this one
to you for a $1.50.

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He couldn't even make
money on food.

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One Bomb Pop. Two dollars.

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Sell you a lick
for a nickel.

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So Risky took his biggest
risk of all.

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He got a job.

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You 10 minutes late.

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Sorry, man. Look, I
appreciateyou hiring me,

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but I haven't had a regular
job in ten years.

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But, hey-- I'm here
and I'm ready.

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Yeah. Ready to give my father
high blood pressure.

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Look, I'd like to help you out,

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but be late tomorrow,
and that's it.

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Tanya loved her TV time.

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And to her, TV time meant
no Drew time.

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What do you think you're doing?
I'm sitting down.

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You can't sit in Daddy's chair.

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You're the one taking up
the whole couch.

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So? Sit on the floor.

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I don't want to sit
on the floor.

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Well, I'm telling Daddy.

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Telling Daddy what?

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Telling Daddy that you
broke his chair.

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You are going to be
in so much trouble.

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You're sure you
can't do this?

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I can't. My cousin from south
Jersey wants to drive me

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around Brooklyn and listen
to "Born in the USA."

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What?
It's a long story.

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But, I've gotta get
some help with this.

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I don't get it.
If your mom knows algebra,

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why don't you want
her to tutor you?

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'Cause when I'm working with
her, I never learn anything.

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She's like Bobby Knight.

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All she does
is scream and point.

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But I stuck with it,

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sure that my hard work
would pay off.

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No! No! What
are you doing?

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N plus five over minus
16 equals minus one.

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What's the answer?
I don't know.

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No, no, no!

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The other side.

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What difference does it make?

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What difference does it make?

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Note to self: when dealing with

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the irrefutable
scienceof numbers,

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don't ask "What difference
does it make?"

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If you put it on that
side, it's wrong.

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That's the difference.

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No!

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Wrong!

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That's wrong!

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Incorrect!

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Uh-uh!

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No! Incorrect! Eh! Wrong!

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Since when does Y equal X?

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Are you crazy?!

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X does not equal Y!

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You carry the
two over the N.

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How hard can it be?!

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God, Chris, what kind
of answer is that?

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The kind you come up with,

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with a crazy woman
screaming at you.

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You know, maybe Grandma
can help me. We could call her.

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No, because she's gonna to tell
you the same thing.

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If you can add and
subtract, you can do this.

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My mother applied that logic
to a lot of situations.

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If you can crack an egg,
you can crack a safe.

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Boy, if you can
lace up a sneaker,

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then you can
stitch up a chest.

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Suture!

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If you can jump rope,
you can jump from a plane.

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Go!

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Oh! Baby!

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You forgot your parachute!

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No, no! If you
multiply on one side,

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you have to multiply
on the other side.

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That moment was the closest
I ever came

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to giving up
and hitting the pipe.

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Mom, can we please take a break?

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:
Okay, baby.

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You know what? I think we're
getting a little closer.

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I can feel it.

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If it's utter despair,
I can I can feel it, too.

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While I was trying to find
an answer to my problem,

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Drew was trying to dodge
a problem with his answer.

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Somebody been sitting
in my chair?

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Middle bear.
I don't know. Why?

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It's broken, that's why.

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Broken

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I don't know. I didn't break it.

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Are you sure?

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'Cause you could've
just broken just now
when you sat down.

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Tonya, you been sitting
in my chair?

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If that were me, Tonya would've
been telling already.

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But for Drew, she had
something better in mind.

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Yeah, I sat there.
What happened?

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I think you broke it.

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I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.

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That's all right.

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I think I can fix it.

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How come you didn't tell?

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Because you're going to do
whatever I tell you to do.

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And if you don't,
then I'm gonna tell.

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Now go get me
some popcorn.

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Go ahead.

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00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:03,243
I wonder if that's how
Hillary Clinton got started.

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00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:07,347
When the going gets tough,
the tough get going.

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00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:10,951
So I got going
to grandma's house.

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00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:16,724
Chris, what are
you doing here?

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Hi, Grandma. I need your help.

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00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:20,861
What's the problem?

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Mama, plus me,
times algebra, equals you.

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Going behind my mother's back
to get help from my grandmother

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00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:32,940
made me feel guiltier

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00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,808
than Janet Jackson
at a half-time show.

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00:09:34,842 --> 00:09:36,143
Don't feel bad, Chris.

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00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:38,612
I taught Rochelle
everything she knows,

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00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:40,748
but I didn't teach her
everything I know.

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Teaching is a skill.

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00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:44,752
No different than
flying a plane.

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00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:46,887
Except you don't fall 35,000
feet to your death.

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00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,623
How come you didn't come to me
in the first place?

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00:09:49,657 --> 00:09:51,391
She didn't want you to think
that she couldn't do it.

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Mm-hmm.

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00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:56,697
So, I guess you just want
to keep this between me and you.

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Could we?

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00:09:59,867 --> 00:10:01,935
My father had
given Risky a job,

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00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:05,138
which was turning out
to be a job in itself.

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00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:06,674
Hey, what's happening, Cooper?

239
00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:07,908
Hey, Coop,
how you doing, man?

240
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,042
Hey.

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00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:11,845
Let me get a large coffee
and, uh, two butter rolls.

242
00:10:11,879 --> 00:10:13,647
I'm sorry, man.

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00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:14,748
No coffee today.

244
00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,750
What

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00:10:16,784 --> 00:10:19,219
Somebody broke into
the truck again last night.

246
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:21,789
Stole the coffeemaker,
they stole the coffee,

247
00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:23,423
they stole the sugar,
they stole the creamer,

248
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,425
they stole the straws,
they stole the stirrers,

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they even stole
the Sweet'N Low.

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00:10:26,894 --> 00:10:27,928
All they left me

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00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:32,099
was three bags of
Earl Grey tea... and these cups.

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00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:35,035
I can give you the water, but
you have to heat it yourself.

253
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:37,204
What if I give you
a new coffeemaker?

254
00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:38,305
Fifteen bucks.

255
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:39,439
Fifteen bucks?!

256
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,374
Last time, you only
charged me ten.

257
00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:43,944
The time before that,
you charged me 20.

258
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,213
And both times, they looked like

259
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:47,314
the same
coffeemaker.

260
00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:48,782
What are you doing?

261
00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:49,649
What?
I'm just trying

262
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:51,451
to make a little extra
money on the side.

263
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,120
Your job here
is unloading papers,

264
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,454
not selling stolen coffee pots.

265
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:57,057
It's not stolen, it's recovered.

266
00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:58,425
Yeah.

267
00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,293
And if you stop
recovering them from me,

268
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,129
I could stop
recovering them for you.

269
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,164
When you're with me,

270
00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:06,734
you got one job:
unloading papers.

271
00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:08,068
I'm not trying
to hurt nobody, man.

272
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:09,236
We're all in this together.

273
00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:11,038
It's the business cycle.

274
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:13,306
If he can't sell coffee,
you can't sell papers,

275
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,375
next thing you know,
we're all out of a job.

276
00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:17,477
Twelve bucks!

277
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:21,014
This time, I want the
coffeemaker, I want a pistol,

278
00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:22,716
and I want some No-Doze.

279
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:26,153
Go get the coffeemaker.

280
00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:30,490
While Risky was doing
the soft sell,

281
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,860
Tonya was taking a hard line.

282
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:33,727
Hey, Drew.

283
00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:35,228
What?

284
00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:36,897
My shoe's untied.

285
00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:38,198
So what?

286
00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:39,399
So tie it.

287
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:41,401
I'm not tying your shoe.
You tie it.

288
00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:42,269
Nah, that's okay.

289
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:44,104
Maybe I'll just wait
till Daddy gets home

290
00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:46,740
and I'll ask him if
he wants to tie it.

291
00:11:46,774 --> 00:11:49,076
Okay, I'll tie it.

292
00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:51,711
Put it in a bow.

293
00:11:53,981 --> 00:11:55,749
Thank you.

294
00:11:55,783 --> 00:11:58,351
It's a good thing
she can't read minds.

295
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:01,354
Just because my grandmother
was better at teaching math,

296
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,924
didn't mean I was any better
at learning it.

297
00:12:03,957 --> 00:12:05,826
You're doing that wrong.

298
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:06,794
What do you mean?

299
00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:08,762
Chris, are you paying attention?

300
00:12:08,796 --> 00:12:09,930
I thought I was.

301
00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:11,464
Pizza is not the only thing

302
00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:13,834
you won't be getting
if you don't pass this class.

303
00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:16,770
What? You want to grow up
to be a toll booth operator?

304
00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:18,906
I did, but E-ZPass
took all the jobs.

305
00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:21,842
What am I gonna have to do
to get you to understand this?

306
00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:23,143
How much longer
do we have to work?

307
00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:24,444
Now, why do you ask?

308
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,146
'Cause the Mets
are about to play.

309
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:28,982
Oh, so you like baseball, huh?

310
00:12:32,519 --> 00:12:33,520
What's all this?

311
00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:36,824
Ah, well, I figured while
you sell the newspapers,

312
00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:38,826
I open up a whole
new customer base.

313
00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:41,228
How about I open up your skull
with a tire iron?

314
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:43,897
I can't drive around with a
truck full of stolen goods.

315
00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:45,165
Uh-uh! I'm not a thief.

316
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:46,199
I'm a wholesaler.

317
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:48,101
Cut out
the middle man.

318
00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:49,569
How about you cut out
the bail man?

319
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,038
'Cause that's what
we're gonna need.

320
00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:52,339
Have you ever known me to be

321
00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:53,841
in trouble with the law?
Come on, now.

322
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:55,909
Have you ever known me
to sell radios

323
00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:57,144
out the back of a paper truck?

324
00:12:57,177 --> 00:13:00,013
I'm sorry.

325
00:13:00,047 --> 00:13:01,815
Look, let me just
move this stuff today,

326
00:13:01,849 --> 00:13:04,251
and after that, it'll be
newspapers and only newspapers.

327
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,387
One day.

328
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:08,488
And that's it.

329
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:10,891
Thank you.

330
00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:12,960
How much for this?

331
00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:15,362
Back home, my mother
was looking at my test,

332
00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:18,098
and she didn't like the score.

333
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,834
"X" over "2Y",
over square root...

334
00:13:20,868 --> 00:13:24,337
I know I showed him
how to do this right.

335
00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:26,206
Meanwhile, I was
finally getting

336
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:27,474
into the swing of things.

337
00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:29,342
Okay, Chris, in
yesterday's game,

338
00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:33,947
Darryl Strawberry batted .500
with six at bats.

339
00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:35,115
How many hits did he get?

340
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:38,451
Okay, "A" equals
the number of at bats,

341
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,587
which is six.

342
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,522
And "B" equals
the batting average.

343
00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:44,624
Which is?
.500.

344
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:48,996
And .500 equals "H",

345
00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:51,231
which is the number
of hits over six.

346
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:53,934
So if you multiply both sides
of the equation by six,

347
00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:58,338
you will see that
the number of hits is...

348
00:13:58,371 --> 00:13:59,506
three.

349
00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:00,507
That's right.

350
00:14:01,608 --> 00:14:02,876
You got three in a row!

351
00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:04,644
Can we do another one?

352
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,080
Okay, you work out another one.

353
00:14:08,115 --> 00:14:10,117
Get this door...

354
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:13,386
Rochelle?

355
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,255
Mama, I need
your help.

356
00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:16,289
Chris?

357
00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:17,624
Ma?

358
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:19,526
Stay tuned for
the exciting conclusion

359
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,561
of As The Ghetto Turns.

360
00:14:25,332 --> 00:14:26,533
CHRIS:
When my mother found out

361
00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,335
I was going behind
her back for tutoring,

362
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,203
she was her usual
understanding self.

363
00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:31,939
Chris, how come you
just didn't say something

364
00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,506
instead of sneaking around?

365
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,575
I mean, what else are you
learning on the side?

366
00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:37,144
English History?

367
00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:38,078
Where does it stop?!

368
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:40,047
One day, she caught me
speaking Latin

369
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,481
and kicked me out of the house.

370
00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:42,682
I'm sorry, Ma.

371
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,117
I just needed to get some help.

372
00:14:44,151 --> 00:14:46,519
Oh, so I just rassled you
to the ground

373
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:47,520
and stopped you from learning?

374
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,990
Rochelle, all you did
was holler at the boy.

375
00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:51,524
My mother was
hollering at her boy

376
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,593
long before it was cool
to holla at your boy.

377
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:54,661
Is that what you told her?

378
00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:57,097
He didn't have to tell
me, Rochelle, I know you.

379
00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:58,098
You are impatient.

380
00:14:58,131 --> 00:14:59,032
You couldn't teach a rock

381
00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:00,567
how to hit the ground
if you dropped it.

382
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:03,436
Now, all you got to do
is fall straight down.

383
00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:05,438
Ow!

384
00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:07,340
Didn't I tell you
to hit the ground?!

385
00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:10,077
Are you saying I don't know
how to raise my children?

386
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:11,678
See, that's another thing:
you don't listen.

387
00:15:11,711 --> 00:15:13,080
Well, if he just
did what I said,

388
00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:14,081
we wouldn't have a problem!

389
00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:15,315
I did what you said.

390
00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:16,316
That's why we're here.

391
00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:17,550
Did you hear what I said?

392
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,086
Better yet,
do you hear yourself?

393
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:20,353
So, Mama, are you telling me

394
00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:22,089
I don't know what I'm doing?
Yes.

395
00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:24,057
Don't ask me, ask him.

396
00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:26,059
I'll tell her,
and you tell everyone

397
00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:28,061
my last words were
"Thanks a lot, Grandma."

398
00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:30,330
So you're just gonna stand
there, look me in my face

399
00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:31,999
and tell me I didn't help you,

400
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:33,233
not one little
teeny, tiny little bit.

401
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:34,401
Yes!
No.

402
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:35,568
No?
Yes?

403
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:37,537
Oh.

404
00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:40,573
Okay, well, I'm gonna take
my little behind home.

405
00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:45,112
I had reached the end
of my rope,

406
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:47,047
and Risky had reached
the end of the road.

407
00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:49,749
Hey, Julius.

408
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,118
Man, where's your uniform?

409
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:52,986
Yeah, I got to talk
to you about that.

410
00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:55,222
Man, look, I told you, we're not
selling your stuff out here.

411
00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:57,090
Uh...

412
00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:58,458
I'm not going out with you.

413
00:15:58,491 --> 00:15:59,592
I'm gonna have to quit.

414
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:02,029
Quit? Man, we got work to do!

415
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:04,297
You can't just up and quit every
time you don't like something.

416
00:16:04,331 --> 00:16:05,765
It works for Terrell Owens.

417
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,167
This ain't my thing.

418
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,701
I'm a businessman.

419
00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:11,238
You can't compete with these
crackheads around here.

420
00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:12,305
You told me that.

421
00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:13,540
Yeah, I know, I know.

422
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:14,707
Well, what you gonna do?

423
00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:16,776
Get off the streets.

424
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:18,145
Open up a storefront.

425
00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:19,212
Go legit.

426
00:16:19,246 --> 00:16:20,780
A business?
Yeah.

427
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,682
You?
Yeah!

428
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:25,085
That's kind of risky, ain't it?

429
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:27,087
Yeah.

430
00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:29,789
What's in the box?

431
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:33,693
This is that new stereo
you were looking at.

432
00:16:33,726 --> 00:16:35,128
My way of
saying thanks.

433
00:16:35,162 --> 00:16:37,064
:
I appreciate it.

434
00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:39,099
Ah, stop, man, stop.

435
00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,200
It's $20.

436
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:41,301
What?

437
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,070
It was $50.

438
00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:45,172
Back home, Tonya was continuing

439
00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:48,341
to undo the work
of Abraham Lincoln.

440
00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:50,043
Drew, hand me
the remote.

441
00:16:50,077 --> 00:16:51,078
No.

442
00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:52,079
I'm sick of you.

443
00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:53,713
You get it.

444
00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:56,116
Daddy!

445
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:57,217
Go ahead, call him.

446
00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:59,119
What are you gonna tell him,
that I broke his chair?

447
00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:00,153
Yep.

448
00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:03,423
But you told him you did it.

449
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:06,726
So if you tell him I did it, I'm
gonna tell Mama you lied on me.

450
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:09,629
And you're gonna have to tell
her either you lied this time

451
00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:10,730
or you lied that time.

452
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,499
And either way, you lied.

453
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,735
So if I get a beating from him,

454
00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:18,205
you're gonna get
a beating from her.

455
00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:21,174
So you want to tell or you want
to get up and get that remote?

456
00:17:23,676 --> 00:17:27,614
Drew stamped Tonya's blackmail
"Return to sender."

457
00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:28,748
What is it?

458
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:31,050
Never mind.

459
00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:38,758
Oh, and, uh, while you're up,

460
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:40,193
make sure you get me
some popcorn.

461
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:43,163
One standoff down, one to go.

462
00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:45,332
Ma

463
00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:46,866
I'm fine.

464
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:47,800
You're not mad?

465
00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:50,103
No. Why would you think that?

466
00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:53,373
Because those mashed potatoes
just started bleeding.

467
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,475
You know I didn't mean
to upset you.

468
00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:56,476
Who's upset?

469
00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:57,710
I'm not upset.

470
00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,479
You want to learn algebra
with your grandma,

471
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,181
that's fine by me.
It is?

472
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:02,182
No, it's not.

473
00:18:02,215 --> 00:18:04,184
Why would you go running
to her instead of me?

474
00:18:04,217 --> 00:18:06,119
What was wrong with the
way I was teaching you?

475
00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:07,520
Everything.
Nothing.

476
00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:08,521
Something.

477
00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:10,357
It's just that the way

478
00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:12,425
you were teaching me,
I couldn't get it.

479
00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:15,362
Well, I was doing
the best I could.

480
00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:17,197
I know, and that's okay.

481
00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:19,266
Because there's a lot of
other things I learn from you.

482
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:20,367
Yeah?

483
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:21,468
Yeah, like, uh,

484
00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:23,170
don't put plaids
and stripes together.

485
00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:25,638
And don't leave fake leather
on the radiator,

486
00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:27,607
'cause it'll melt.

487
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,642
And don't answer
the phone past 7:00,

488
00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:31,444
because it's probably
a bill collector.

489
00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:33,446
The advice about white girls
was priceless.

490
00:18:35,382 --> 00:18:36,549
I'm sorry, baby.

491
00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:38,818
I just wanted to be
the one to help you.

492
00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:40,153
How's everything going?

493
00:18:40,187 --> 00:18:41,154
Better.

494
00:18:41,188 --> 00:18:42,255
Mm-mm, better's not good enough.

495
00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:43,556
We're calling your grandma.

496
00:18:43,590 --> 00:18:46,259
My mother hated to ask
my grandmother for help.

497
00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:48,928
So I knew I had a choice:
learn or die.

498
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:52,932
Okay, "10N"
equals 40.

499
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:53,933
"N" equals four.

500
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,502
Huh.

501
00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:58,605
Nine plus "9X" equals nine.

502
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:01,474
"X" equals zero.

503
00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:02,709
Okay.

504
00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:05,812
144 equals minus 12

505
00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:08,181
times "X" plus five.

506
00:19:10,217 --> 00:19:12,885
Minus 17.

507
00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:15,722
Oh! Good job, baby.

508
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:17,257
"3N"

509
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:20,293
minus five equals

510
00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:22,929
negative-eight
times six

511
00:19:22,962 --> 00:19:24,664
plus "5N".

512
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:27,700
"N" equals negative one.

513
00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:29,369
Oh!

514
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:31,871
Look like somebody
gonna get some pizza!

515
00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:33,973
If all studying were
rewarded with pizza,

516
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,509
then Charles Barkley
would've won a Nobel Prize.

517
00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:40,347
We waited for the results
of the test.

518
00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:42,349
But I knew for sure that I had

519
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:43,583
knocked it out of the park.

520
00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:46,619
Chris, you got
every single answer wrong.

521
00:19:46,653 --> 00:19:47,687
What?!

522
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,323
Because of you,
we don't get pizza.

523
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:53,993
Calm down, everybody!

524
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:56,263
Guys!
Nice going, mud bone.

525
00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:58,231
Wait, how could I get
every single one wrong?

526
00:19:58,265 --> 00:19:59,332
There must be some mistake.

527
00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:00,333
There was.

528
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:01,468
Unfortunately, you made it.

529
00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:03,336
You answered question
one on line two.

530
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:06,306
Subsequently, all the answers
that followed were wrong.

531
00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:08,341
Isn't that how Bush
got elected?

532
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:10,810
If you hadn't done that,
you would've scored 100.

533
00:20:10,843 --> 00:20:12,979
But you did, so you didn't.

534
00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:14,647
This where the pizzas go?

535
00:20:14,681 --> 00:20:16,449
:
Oh.

536
00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:23,623
* Everybody hates Chris.

537
00:20:23,656 --> 00:20:26,459
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